When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
A bear walks into a bar and places his order. "I'll take a gin and.... tonic"
So the bartender says, "What's with the pause?"
And the bear says, "I was born with them."
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?"
Not so clean after this. You were warned...